Opposites may attract, but can they work together?

      I still don’t know where we should start” Chris stared blankly at the ceiling.
     “Just talk about how we became interested in missions when we were little.” I suggested. I was anxious to get something on the blank screen in front of me.
       “That’s not going to work for me, Chris replied, I wasn’t thinking about missions then.”
I threw out another idea. “Ok well, just talk about missions trips when you were growing up.”
      “Nope, that’s not really what got me to this point,” Chris countered. I’d like to talk about people who impacted me…”
      “Ok, great,” I cut him off. “I’ll make a note of that and maybe add a picture that represents that time period in your life.”
      “Wait Lynnie.” I could see Chris carefully choosing his words, trying not to offend me. “It’s not meaningful for me if I’m reading off your script. It’s got to be in my own words in my own style.”
       “What do you want me to write down then?” I shifted the laptop over to him. “Why don’t you take charge?”
        Chris shook his head. “No, you know what looks good. I can’t take it in here anymore. I’ve got to get outside to clear my head.”
      
       Feeling the pressure of the clock, I nodded but didn’t join him. We had been staying up late for a week, trying to put together a ten minute presentation for our fellow missionary appointees at a SIM training conference we attended last year in North Carolina. The task seemed simple enough – create a power point presentation that detailed our journey into missions.  As teachers, Chris and I were both comfortable with public speaking, so we didn’t anticipate any major obstacles. What we didn’t foresee is that our styles were completely different. It has always been my desire to work with Chris in ministry together. Not only would we be doing meaningful service together, but we would have endless quality time with each other. Now this dream seemed to be dissolving before my eyes. How in the world could we work effectively in Bolivia together if we couldn’t make it through a basic presentation?

      The week was a painful but worthwhile experience for us. By God’s grace, we did figure out a decent presentation and since then, we’ve gotten pretty good at working and presenting together. It wasn’t until a recent conference at Houghton College, though, that we began to appreciate our differences as one of our greatest strengths. During one particular session, we reviewed our personality types according to a Myers-Briggs assessment. Chris and I found it humorous but not at all surprising that our personalities were completely opposite in each category. I have an ISTJ personality, otherwise known as an organized, plan ahead, detail oriented, responsible introvert. I am married to an ENFP who is a big picture, spontaneous, heartfelt extrovert. So while opposites may attract as evidenced in our story, can they really work together effectively? It was a question for us to mull over before moving our entire family to a foreign country where teamwork and unity in our marriage could make or break us.

         The process is not pleasant, but it’s times like this when God’s handiwork really becomes clear in our lives. Now that we are working together constantly, we have to turn to God when conflict arises. Instead of criticizing each other when we differ, we are starting to pray more for each other and with each other. The result is usually not a changing of our spouse, but a softening of our own hearts towards each other. We are also learning how to build each other up by commending the uniqueness of the other’s personality during this challenging season of life. Instead of asking me to be more flexible or less particular, Chris has helped me realize how my personality is valuable in our marriage and needed for ministry. “Lynnie, can you do your ‘thing’ with the house?” he will say when we are scrambling to clean up before guests come over for a Bolivia appointment. He knows I’ll make it look clean and inviting and he takes time to point out that that aspect of my personality. The other day when Chris was packing for a big trip he shouted, “Lynnie, I need your super power! Do I have everything I need?” I love it when he refers to my knack of details as a “super strength.” Vice versa, I am learning to value my husband when he uses the gifts God has put within him. Even as I am writing these words at the park, I can see my husband in the distance chatting away with a couple he just met. He has the unique ability to strike up conversations with just about anybody. He is a genuine relationship builder which is an essential component of an effective missionary team.



Celebrating our 8th anniversary with a beautiful hike

         Reaching this point in our relationship where we see our differences as strengths has been a journey.  While working together on a constant basis has opened up painful areas in our relationship, through the process, we have seen how God has uniquely designed us and made us creatures who best shine when we are dependent on Him. Ultimately our effectiveness in Bolivia or anywhere will depend on us allowing God to use the personalities he has given us for His glory. Our effectiveness also requires extending grace to each other when our styles differ and conflicts arise.  I aim to encourage him when his “super powers” are evident as he does for me.  Please continue to pray for us as God works in our hearts and molds us according to His plan.